Free falling

Oh my soul wants to rant and rave... I have discovered in recovery that the very source of my desire to judge and blame is the awful feeling of powerlessness. In order to recover I have to acknowledge this feeling and not run away from it by getting angry, judging, blaming ...all which feel much better. There are many things I would like to control right now. As we say in recovery, "serenity to accept the things I can not change and the courage to change the things I can" and also "taking this world as it is and not as I would have it". I would like to act out on this blog and get really angry at the world but I must not. I have to sit in this powerlessness so that I can move on to step 2 in recovery, "earnestly believe that God exists, that I (and others I love) matter to Him..." How is it easy for me to spank my child and know that it is for his good, but fear God bringing consequences to those around me? How is it that I can wholeheartedly except and see the plan of God in the life of Joseph but when those around me unjustly suffer, I feel like I am freefalling?