So I planned a normal post for today, but God has broken into my normal. I guess he took Pastor Mark seriously when he said that we need to be ready to be "agents of change". I have been spiritually hungry lately, but a bit hesitant to drive out to the 24 hour prayer house in Chicago called CHIHOP. So when my friend says she was going, I jumped in the van.
I have been in a season of seeking God regarding doing foster care, but if you read my post below you'll see its not an easy thing and many factors adding together have made me regard it with fear and trembling. My husband is wanting and waiting. My kids are psyched up to have another baby in the house, but I have been hesitant. I have seen my children's needs flare and my marriage suffer under the stress of the last placement, albeit, our care for our last foster child overlapped a very intense home renovation project...another major stressor for families.
God spoke to me to focus on his face and resting in Him. So that was my mode going into the prayer time. Parts of me have needed rebuilding after 2014 and the past year has been restorative and overall peaceful, but my heart has been struggling. Doing foster care seemed to me a place of hidden sacrifice where there is no honor and no fruit you can depend on. The whole act of care for a hurt child who could at any time be taken from your home and given back requires a firm commitment to love Jesus like Mother Teresa--- loving them is loving Him and a firm knowing that that alone is meaningful. This is such a test of faith. How difficult it is to love unconditionally knowing the object of your love's destiny is outside of your control totally and may be taken from you completely at any time! And this demonstration of faith no one sees or notices. At least I never did. Who looks at a foster parent and sees them as spiritual ninjas? But to me, they are. There are no titles for them, no appreciation dinners at church--they are unseen. And so I have struggled with God, with my own faith in Him, with my own selfish ambition and spiritual pride... I want that faith and love of Mother Teresa.
So I am in the zone with God at the prayer meeting and I am loving it. I feel relaxed, I hear him speak to my heart, I am singing with my spirit and I hear him say, "Look at your hands" So I did. But I see nothing! So back I go into the zone. Then, later he tells me again, "Look at your hands" So I did. But I see nothing again! I have a clue what he is up too though. An hour later, I glanced down at my yoga pants and I see them sparkling. And then I see sparkles on my sweatshirt! And then I look at my hands and they are sparkling! Little lights are blinking on my hands--microscopic lights. So I ask my friend beside me, "Do you see what I see here? " And she does!! "Yes they are sparkling," she says. I start bawling. The prophetic prayers at this time were targeting my fears and questions. I began to hear Him through it and my heart began to change.
Then another amazing thing--this manifestation has continued on my children! Since Friday and in the midst of our mundane schedule going here and there, they are seeing the same on their hands and clothes! In fact, yesterday, I could not make dinner!! I felt so overwhelmed by God's presence on my children that I gathered the kids and we had a worship time. And through it the most amazing thing is how God has changed my heart. I feel so loved by him! I feel him renewing the call and yet making me feel so special and so "seen". I feel encouraged that he is calling me to be a literal light in the darkness and to feed his little sheep. And so much more... but I'll leave you with this
My 11 year old wrote a poem to sum up the wonderment we feel called
God has Lifted the Veil
God has lifted the veil
he has shown us his trail
God has left us amazed
he has left us dazed
God has showed us his glory
he has changed our story
God has left us feeling unexplainable
He has left us feeling indescribable
