Family, Soul, Conscience--Shipwrecked for Sex

Its amazing what people give for sex.  They shipwreck their families for sex.  They will toss their faith and their conscience for sex.  Whether its promiscuous sex, adulterous sex, one night stand sex, homosexual sex, or sex outside of marriage, it becomes the top priority--worth abandoning all to experience.  I don't understand why sex and/or the relationship is so great. Can someone explain this to me?

Why lose your soul for sex?  Why lose your family for sex with someone else?  Why cause a lifelong of pain to your children so you can have sex with someone other than your spouse?  A broken home is like cutting jalopeno peppers in the kitchen, it burns everyone.  But the pain burns continually.  Maybe the plan wasn't to make hell for your children, but that's what happens.   I mean you have sex once with someone you are not married to, and there it is--the betrayal took 15 minutes or an hour.  Your mate's scars are LIFELONG.  They have emotional scars and maybe an STD now, or the fear of AIDS.  And, it doesn't matter if they did it to you.  It still hurts forever.  Even if there is forgiveness and restoration, the memory is pain.  The children have the emotional pain of the turmoil that unfaithfulness brings in a marriage.  Then they have to deal with a potential or real break up.  Then they lose security, emotional stability, financial stability, the dream of having both parents at their wedding together and the hope that they their future marriage can make it.  

I've seen recovery in marriage, don't get me wrong.  Couples can endure quite alot of pressure and work things out.  But, I've also seen a TOTAL TRASHING of a family over sex.  Trauma drama over and over again. 

I can understand its an addiction for some people.  But its not like there isn't help.  For over 100 years, people have been getting free from addiction through Christ and 12 step programs.  But who pursues it? And, if they do, its often too casual to make long term progress.  It seems to me that some people just don't care that much about changing--even when sex has disastrous consequences.   

How is 15 minutes of pleasure so awesome?  Blink.  Its over.

And then folks choose the illicit sex over the sex with their spouse.  Divorce and drama ensue.  No matter, some how that sex is better--worth losing your last name, your character, your faith (because who can face God and not repent? No, he must be done away with.)  They blow up their families to be with that Other Person.  Isn't he so great?  Wow.  That sex is so special, isn't it?  

Or the one night stand.  Wasn't that one time you did it in Honduras just worth it all?  I mean, that stranger you showed yourself to and hooked up with at the corner store.  Wasn't that Amazing?  You didn't barely know his name.  Its so deeply meaningful.  So stable and satisfying.  No, he doesn't pay your rent, eat dinner at your table, or put your kids down at night.  In fact, he does nothing for you but give you 15 minutes of excitement.  Wow.  Worth losing it all for, isn't it?

The debasing of morals and ethics in our world burns us.  We dumb down ethics and we become numb and dumb.  We can not feel the value of sex anymore.  We do it everywhere anytime with anyone and lose everything for it.  We are slaves to the beast and we don't care.  But end of the day, we lose meaning, specialness, value, enduring joys like long lasting relationships and secure attachments between family members.  We can F God but we reap cheap sex.  

How is that so awesome?

"I would like to learn from you...seeing that the Lord testifies, saying: 'Wide is the gate and broad is the way which leads to destruction and many are those who enter it: how narrow is the gate and straight is the way which leads to life and few are those who find it', what you believe about the life and eternal destiny of those who are known to go by the wide gate and the broad way for their whole lives, and do not trouble to withstand or resist even in the smallest matters their pleasures and desires of body and soul for the sake of heavenly reward." Bede, emph. mine. 

Bede refers to greed, but I would apply his words to sexual immorality in our day: 

 "If you wish to know, this is the three-headed dog of Hell, to whom the poets gave the name of Cerberus, from whose savage teeth John the Apostle would keep us safe, saying: 'Beloved, love not the world nor the things that are in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For all that is in the world is the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the pride of life, which is not of the Father, but is of the world."

The Mystery of the Word--Housekeeping.

So is housekeeping fixing the roof?  Does that mean women shouldn't keep chickens, but stay in the house?  Does it mean a woman shouldn't telecommute or be active in business at home?  What about hiring servants?  What does it mean to keep house today in our culture?

I am pondering this question. I am not a theologian or scholar, but a mom seeking truth.

Women of old took their place in the house, but from Proverbs 31, we see that this "household management" is a broad stroke.  I want to break down a few phrases--using our Timothy & Titus verses as a lense--so that we can see its scope:

1) She's loving her husband:

 ¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.

    her husband also, and he praises her:

Her husband is not doing without.  Her role meets his needs, maybe not every want, but the things of value he does not have to be in want of because of her.  She does him right.

2) She's loving her children:

¹³ She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”  
 
So, the godly woman watches over to teach and to provide. 

And, her work at home nurtures the relationships closest to her.  At the end of the day the relationships are the only thing going to heaven, "make friends for heaven" like the wise servant in the parable.

3) Her housekeeping is entrepreneurial in nature:

¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
 ²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.

Here I see her enter the public sphere of business.  She is making money through trade, sales, and investments.


4) Her housekeeping extends beyond her immediate family:

15 and portions for her female servants.

²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.

The sphere of her household includes outreach to the poor.  She shows hospitality-an open heart to the needy. 
She also has hired help in the house that she manages.   
 
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Proverbs 31 is an important passage because it broadens the idea of "keeping house".  The household described here is not one mom and her kids at home.   We know from other passages of Scripture that Christian are encouraged to care for their own widows, if they can.  So this household is larger than the typical middle class suburban set-up.  It includes the immediate family, servants and widows at least.  

This passage is key to showing women that business and women are not mutually exclusive from a Biblical perspective.   Women may pursue adding to the family's income with a clear conscience.  However, I think as 21st Century women, we need to be extremely mindful and careful about HOW we do this.  And in the end the heart of a woman, whether it is bent towards her home, or not, will show itself.  A clear guideline I find for myself is 

Nurturing family relationships must not be compromised in an attempt to "help out" financially in a two parent home. 

 If a husband or child is neglected in order to "help out" financially, this would be a red flag for me.

However this passage opens up alot of questions for me.  How can I measure if a child's or husband's (sometimes more clear :-)) needs are met?  What standard do I use?  What part do servants play in the home?  What are the essential functions for mom to personally fulfill?  How much of her role is managing others in the daily tasks?  

How to find yourself again

I keep hearing this:  "I don't know who I am.  "I'm so confused."

What makes a person lose their sense of grounding, to start swirling?  I know I've felt like that before--going through suffering--broadsided by pain.

In this case, however, these thoughts are coming from women who have one thing in common--they are straying.  Women who don't know each other, but have chosen the same path: escape my pain through the love/attention of another man.

And they lose themselves.

But they think they like it.

And this verse sets me on fire when I hear it: "For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened."

First the ingratitude, then the futile hopeless mind, then the darkening of the heart.

The seared conscience speaks, "I don't know who I am.  I am so confused." 

Romans says the conscience is active even in the man who does not follow Christ or have the Holy Spirit: "their thoughts sometimes accusing them and at other times even defending them." 

How much more is he active in the life of a believer who knows they are walking in a sin/lifestyle that God commands them not to?  Will not their minds accuse them and defend them?  And if their minds accuse them, but they like it...will their minds not defend their sin, as well?  And so they are Confused.  Their minds say, "Yes, this is OK, and No, this is not OK."  And then the swirling and tumbling and losing of one's grounding.

I see the forked path here.  Either give in to the sin and God will "give you over to a depraved mind," or step out of denial and stand with Christ admitting the sinfulness of the present path--agree with God about your sin and repent.  Both paths are painful, but one ends in death.  Moving forward in Christ will bring grief, but also refining and ultimately blessing because

He promises us that if we obey his commands--we will be happy.  

Make me walk along the path of your commands, for that is where my happiness is found.  Ps 119:35 NLT

Margin making: Simple Meals & Historic Films for School

Well I'm kicking in some simplicity this week, some margin as P. Shirer urged in her simulcast last weekend.  So, Sunday's pot of beans is this week's lunch burritos... and oatmeal/cold cereal only for bfast.  I'm thankful--Tbone came down with a fever yesterday and still today its high.  Goldenrod wasn't feeling well either.  I put on the old black & white film of William Penn for Rosebud (some great themes of conscience and religious liberty) and we called it a day for school.

Making margin for me means saying no to variety in food.  It keeps planning and making time to a minimum, creating time for more important things.  

Revised Brother Offended Chart--Classic Art Kimball edition.

This chart has had some miracle working power in our home...this is Chad's final draft how he wanted it. My husband loves the drama in these old woodcuts way better than the simple cartoon style drawings of the author. When Abi sees this...for some reason her defenses go down and her conscience begins to work.