How do I escape being ensnared by the pride of life? In my case, how do I keep from letting the desires for recognition, appreciation and honor be my motivation for doing God's work? When I became a Christian as a teen, I decided to live all out for God. I have tried to do that these last twenty years, but I found myself growing so tired in the work of God.
The sacrifice to take in children with my own little ones barely weaned, to homeschool, to jump through extraneous unhelpful hoops to care for a foster child, to renovate a house to be totally free from debt.... have all been motivated by a desire to live fully for Christ. I found myself so tired and worn as I entered this 4th decade of my life. All my get up and go petered out. And in my fatigue and disconnect from God, I have felt the pride of life creep in. I lost my first fire somehow. Now, I find in my heart this pride of life that says, "Why go on in the obscure hidden place?" and "Why go on when you can't be sure of the fruit of your labors?" "Why go on when your investment can be undone by sinful people?" And in that is the real doubt--God do you love me? Am I valuable? Is there a reward for my sacrifice?
But I find God renewing my heart in this season and rebuilding my mind. Lately, I am finding comfort through reading, The Life and Writings of the Historical Saint Patrick By P.P.C. Hanson
St. Patrick's "Confessions" are a great read. He felt that he was completely uneducated and unskilled but called by God to reach Ireland for Christ in 380 AD. He says:
"But that respect is enough which is never seen but is believed in the heart." He did not need a title (though he had one) or honor from man. He actually experienced great success but Christians attacked and criticized him. He knew where his value and honor came from. This takes faith.
"He has even chosen me for this post that I should be among his lowest servants." This challenges my pride...am I willing to be (for that is what a hidden place demands) and call myself "the lowest servant"?
"God prevailed in me-to complete the call." This encourages me that God will work his will in me despite my inner struggles and that he will give me the power to carry it out.
He says there was grace for him "though I am unskilled in everything" and though he was "uneducated for the dangers of his mission." Its grace that stands out to me here. There was grace for him to move forward in his mission despite his weakness. Grace enabled him and in the end he said that it wasn't him at all (that converted thousands of Irish), but that it was the "gift of God". This is the gift that I believe is there for me for God's call...
The sacrifice to take in children with my own little ones barely weaned, to homeschool, to jump through extraneous unhelpful hoops to care for a foster child, to renovate a house to be totally free from debt.... have all been motivated by a desire to live fully for Christ. I found myself so tired and worn as I entered this 4th decade of my life. All my get up and go petered out. And in my fatigue and disconnect from God, I have felt the pride of life creep in. I lost my first fire somehow. Now, I find in my heart this pride of life that says, "Why go on in the obscure hidden place?" and "Why go on when you can't be sure of the fruit of your labors?" "Why go on when your investment can be undone by sinful people?" And in that is the real doubt--God do you love me? Am I valuable? Is there a reward for my sacrifice?
But I find God renewing my heart in this season and rebuilding my mind. Lately, I am finding comfort through reading, The Life and Writings of the Historical Saint Patrick By P.P.C. Hanson
St. Patrick's "Confessions" are a great read. He felt that he was completely uneducated and unskilled but called by God to reach Ireland for Christ in 380 AD. He says:
"But that respect is enough which is never seen but is believed in the heart." He did not need a title (though he had one) or honor from man. He actually experienced great success but Christians attacked and criticized him. He knew where his value and honor came from. This takes faith.
"He has even chosen me for this post that I should be among his lowest servants." This challenges my pride...am I willing to be (for that is what a hidden place demands) and call myself "the lowest servant"?
"God prevailed in me-to complete the call." This encourages me that God will work his will in me despite my inner struggles and that he will give me the power to carry it out.
He says there was grace for him "though I am unskilled in everything" and though he was "uneducated for the dangers of his mission." Its grace that stands out to me here. There was grace for him to move forward in his mission despite his weakness. Grace enabled him and in the end he said that it wasn't him at all (that converted thousands of Irish), but that it was the "gift of God". This is the gift that I believe is there for me for God's call...
