Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Powerlessness
Three family members of close friends have been run down in the city by jackasses. Thousands of dollars of debt from phone sex. Molested children and abandoned infants. Does this bother anyone? Chad thinks I have a problem because this stuff bothers me. Of course it bothers him, but it REALLY bothers me. He somehow has accepted the world is broken and full of shit. But I haven't. I think I've discovered why. I feel POWERLESS. My stomach hurts, I get angry, I want to DO something to stop the sin, but I CAN'T. I can't fix these problems and neither can you. How does that make you feel?
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6 comments:
The only way I can be where I am right now and not have a stomach in knots is to focus - not on the panoramic view, it's a killer - but I try to focus on what J. has put right in front of me - today. I cannot do anything to stop world hunger but feed the child in front of me. I cannot do anything to stop any of the huge, screaming sins of the world but ask for forgiveness of my own and give for-giveness when someone asks it of me. I don't have control, Hols of anybody else but me. The big picture is paralyzing and the enemy wants our focus there because he knows we are powerless to do anything on so grand a scale. But if paralyzed we won't do what we CAN do, the thing that J. enables us to do. Multiplied over and over and NOTHING changes. I pray about the grand-scale issues. I believe prayer really does make a difference and creates an atmosphere where change comes about. I felt crushed when I was a little younger than you and knew God would have to show me how to live in such a broken world without feeling like the breath was being squeezed out of me. He showed me that He had not given me this burden, I had taken much of it on myself. It sounds so trite but I had to let go and let God carry what only He can. If I carry only what He gives me, I am okay...
hmmm...
It bothers you Holly, because you have the unique understanding of the disastrous through and through effects of evil behaviors, falseness, addictions, betrayals. You've been this way as long as I have known you. So admirable and singular. This bothering effect on you, motivates you to help ....to pray...to speak when it is difficult...to be transparent. I see the weight you carry internally, and I see the way you give. Such an example to me.
im glad you have been helped. i feel i could be more of a helped this broken world if i could give the brokeness to God and still believe he is good.
I feel like sometimes the most approachable christian is the one who can behold the majesty of god and fully feel the hurt of the world. I think if we truly try to deny it we become fake in the eyes of the world. We were just talking in church about how paul responded uniquely to being deeply troubled in acts 17:16. It's inspiring to see Paul truly troubled and how human he becomes to the philosophers of athens.
thanks for the encouragement bro... God is bringing peace to me slowly in this area. Inch by inch.
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