They say 50% of foster families quit after the first placement. This past year I have spent recovering from our first placement. Midway through I told Chad I don't think I could ever do it again--just forget about it. But, I haven't been able to forget about it.
The system is so broken. Each party involved in the child's life has their interest and check boxes in mind and a court decides what's best with the minimal knowledge they have. Foster parents are left in the dark and clueless about the past of the child in their care or the real circumstances in their situation. They are left out of the court process and never consulted on the child's behalf. The social workers we have had have been immature and self serving. They may care about the child, but in a remote way. They "report" the child's progress, but never having been parents...even their judgement is skewed. Then there are the bio parents. They are a mystery to you, but you have to talk and interact with them weekly--they are justifiably suspicious. They have no idea who You are. But they often have personal issues that you can not escape from. One mom lied that she was actually the child's mom, but we found her face in a jail record and knew it was her. She criticized how I did her child's hair. (Believe me that I had alot I wanted to say to her about her childcare!) Their decisions affect your life week by week. If they are jailed, your schedule changes. If they show up for a few weeks, then your schedule changes again and you are transporting the child for multiple visits. Its emotionally a roller coaster that you can't seem to get off. Your heart connects to a child and you are committed to their welfare even more as time goes on and you see that no one else really seems to..they are vulnerable and defenseless (sure they have a lawyer who supposedly defends them in court, but you talk to her 1-2x in 6 months). No one seems to really care about what's best for the child although they are called "Children's Protective Services."
Its really hard. Really hard to partner with a broken system. You don't want to be part of its brokeness, but you are a part of it--you have to follow its laws to care for the vulnerable child. In our case, my husband would like to adopt from foster care, That means jumping in the whirlpool not knowing when I get to jump out. But I would like to have another child, too. So I am pondering and we are praying this through...
The system is so broken. Each party involved in the child's life has their interest and check boxes in mind and a court decides what's best with the minimal knowledge they have. Foster parents are left in the dark and clueless about the past of the child in their care or the real circumstances in their situation. They are left out of the court process and never consulted on the child's behalf. The social workers we have had have been immature and self serving. They may care about the child, but in a remote way. They "report" the child's progress, but never having been parents...even their judgement is skewed. Then there are the bio parents. They are a mystery to you, but you have to talk and interact with them weekly--they are justifiably suspicious. They have no idea who You are. But they often have personal issues that you can not escape from. One mom lied that she was actually the child's mom, but we found her face in a jail record and knew it was her. She criticized how I did her child's hair. (Believe me that I had alot I wanted to say to her about her childcare!) Their decisions affect your life week by week. If they are jailed, your schedule changes. If they show up for a few weeks, then your schedule changes again and you are transporting the child for multiple visits. Its emotionally a roller coaster that you can't seem to get off. Your heart connects to a child and you are committed to their welfare even more as time goes on and you see that no one else really seems to..they are vulnerable and defenseless (sure they have a lawyer who supposedly defends them in court, but you talk to her 1-2x in 6 months). No one seems to really care about what's best for the child although they are called "Children's Protective Services."
Its really hard. Really hard to partner with a broken system. You don't want to be part of its brokeness, but you are a part of it--you have to follow its laws to care for the vulnerable child. In our case, my husband would like to adopt from foster care, That means jumping in the whirlpool not knowing when I get to jump out. But I would like to have another child, too. So I am pondering and we are praying this through...
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