Whirlwind.

Sunday I felt so out of place. Everywhere I turn, I feel a "No, not now" and I think I am in the wrong place. Three weeks are up per Dr.'s orders to not lift anything and I feel that I should be lifting a suitcase onto a plane and lifting a little girl in my arms. I look up looking for God and see these birds. Phone calls, emails later and we think there is a place for me...near some friends in walking distance from bottled water and fresh bread. I am feeling good about going to live in Ethiopia alone.

Then word on Monday from the Embassy--details of their suspicions and their investigation of Her Story. Either a victim of poverty or--something much worse.
Then news that we must redo our homestudy--its expired--and could threaten our chances of getting a visa. We search for confirmation...is the Homestudy just following protocol? Will Illinois even know we have entered the country? Adoption lawyer confirms. Risky. We decide to renew in two weeks if possible.

I can't leave until I do live traning for four hours. Trainings cost money and time and we were going to travel as a family to Detroit this weekend. He'll go with the children. I'll take the L to Evanston. Chad and I are swimming in emotion. We spill over in edgy overreactions to the children. Rosebud breaks down. She's worried she won't be loved when I leave or when I return with A. Goldenrod is worried she got six shots for nothing. I'm worried A will lose another caregiver, reattach to me and I'll have to give her back??? I'm worried about leaving my children. Chad and I are pulled taught pondering being apart for who knows how long???

Today Shewaye and Woudineh say they are eager to have me stay at their guest apartment. Is this grace?

Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. 30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. (Mattew 10:26)