One thing I learned about myself through recovery is that I can be an avoider. So when God started pushing on me regarding the vision to adopt, I remembered my earlier defense and allowed God in...to speak...I opened my ears. Pastor Mark was speaking on Hagar in the desert. She ran away from her problem, but God called her to go back and face her problem. Then he didn't remove the tough circumstances, but he changed her attitude and sustained her with a promise.
I felt convicted of avoiding the adoption vision. I have so many fears and questions and insecurities about it. "Someone else must be capable for this calling. Someone other than me," they say. Not that I don't care, but it seems TOO BIG. Funny thing that our sermon series right now is "Your God is too small." And, at church Sunday, they would have to make two huge banners AND project the title on two huge screens in front of me to get the message through.
Just blogging this makes me have to come to grips with what God is doing in me. Its kind of scary just to write it. But there it is.
I remembered. I remembered the cry of the 11 year old Romanian orphan girl who cried out as I left her after a week of ministering in her orphanage 16 years ago, "Don't forget me! Don't forget me!" Oh how I can't forget, but I have.
I remember Isaiah 54:3,4..MY LIFE CHAPTER As a Senior in highschool, he spoke over and over again, "Enlarge the place of your tent; stretch out the curtains of your dwellings, spare not. Lengthen your cords, and strengthen your pegs. For you will spread out to the right and to the left. And your descendants will possess nations and will resettle the desolate cities.
In 2007, I felt an impression from the Lord that we would adopt when Abi was 9. And this phrase, "Go to Africa and get him/her." But is it a symbolic Africa? I'm not sure.
Through Hagar's obedience, she gained a nation. Will I not take hold of the inheritance the Lord has promised me?
4 comments:
Yeah, is it symbolic? I pass Africa three blocks down your street every time I go home ... but God knows, Hols. And if he can open your eyes to your heart He can certainly open your seeing eyes.
well it may be...chad feels strong on adopting nationally esp when there is a need esp for african american children. He is giving me more peace as i go..
you're awesome, holly. you can do it. he is your sustainer.
Isaiah 46:3-4
"Listen to me, O house of Jacob,
all you who remain of the house of Israel,
you whom I have upheld since you were conceived,
and have carried since your birth.
Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
thanks mikey,, that means alot. my pastor preached on gideon sunday... oh how i feel like him...inadequate. but he said to go in the strength that Gideon had. i am clearer now on taking it one day at a time.
Post a Comment