When I found, "Love & Logic" and better yet, Danny Silk's "christian version" of Love & Logic, I was really excited. Here were some tools I could immediately implement. Here was a clear idea of what things I could and could not control/enforce in the home. But since going through "Shepherding a Child's Heart" with Tedd Tripp, i've discovered some of the holes in L&L. Here's an example from a recent L&L email tip:
"Love and Logic parents and educators around the world have had great results going "brain dead" when kids begin to whine, "Not fair!" This allows them to avoid saying what they'd like to say (e.g., "Well it's about time you learned that life isn't fair! How many times do I need to tell you…?"), and provide a calm and respectful "I love (or respect) you too much to argue" instead.
Lecturing our kids doesn't really teach them to accept the occasional "un-fair-ness" of life. Despite centuries of parents attempting this, their offspring have still had to learn this the hard way—through experience with the world. Kids are far more likely to learn how to gracefully accept frustrations and disappointments when we stop trying to convince them that life is fair, and begin allowing them simply to experience the good, the bad and the ugly aspects of real life."
My Take:
I like how they encourage parents to not argue, circumventing their venting their anger and getting involved in a pointless disrespectful interaction. However, I think the cry of a child's heart for justice hints at a real need. When my A said that the other day, I told her, "Rejoice with the those who rejoice and trust that God will be good to you." Growing up in a fam of 6, I can understand doing without. But I have learned as an adult that I can count on God to be good to me. The real issue here is trust in a good God.
5 comments:
It's a hard concept to grasp- God loves me and will take care of me even when I am having to do without. I guess that's the basic of faith, huh? To believe what seems untrue.
I agree too that love and logic as well as Danny Silk leave holes. Sometimes its simply not appropriate to let your kid scream out a tantrum while you stand by, brain dead.
As a parent that deals with anger though, it seems like the most helpful stuff out there right now.
I go back and forth on this- the parents that do L&L make me feel like they think that is the only option, and that they have all the answers. Maybe I am just dealing with my own personal feelings about those parents vs. the program. I have issues with Love and Logic. And Danny Silk.
I appreciate your comments as well towards L&L. It seemed that there is another issue I am grappling with, Ps Tedd Tripp talks about First Time obedience and delayed obedience is not obedience - I think L&L prefers to offer choices rather than instill first time obedience. The other thing about offering choices are "will too much choices lead to choice addiction?"
I also think parenting cannot be all for all ages... all kids go through stages, it is difficult to offer a formula for ALL ages. I think Danny Silk's & Love & logic which he drew references from are more suited for teenagers? (i don't have a teenager, but I see always giving choices in whatever instruction I give, NOT teaching their hearts, because the Bible did say "obey your parents, for it is right..."
Choices seemed suited for non essentials...for choices where you are ok with giving a suggestion rather than expecting obedience. For instance, you really don't care if they eat oreos or donuts for dessert, so you give a choice; but you do care that they eat only one. Or you don't care if your teen watches one more episode of TV or reads a book, but you do want them upstairs at 9:00 in their room. There are many things we can manage at home. Figuring out which ones are important, where we expect obedience whether toddler or teen helps define which method to use.
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